Nothing like Encountering Zombie Versions of You and All Your Friends
by Self-Inflicted Insanity
Summary: There's nothing like encountering zombie versions of you and (almost) all your friends. It's creepy. Weird. Horrifying. Kind of hilarious. This is a comedic zombie apocalypse AU the Young Avengers experience between Young Avengers (2013) #7 and #8 as they traverse dimensions. Character emphasis on America, Loki, and Billy. Humor and zombies! What more could you possibly want?


**AN: This story is a birthday present for **you-know-its-actually-funny**.**

**She asked for a comedic Zombie Apocalypse AU with Kid!Loki, America, and Wiccan, but told me I didn't have to restrict myself to _just _those three, so Kate, Noh, David, and Teddy are in here a bit too—only in the beginning, though ;)**

**I don't think that this is what she expected, but this is what happened! So here it is :) I hope you enjoy it, love!**

**This actually takes place somewhere between _YOUNG AVENGERS (2013) #7 _and _#8, _when they were been jumping around dimensions for like five weeks, and we only got glimpses into like four of the dimension they visited.**

**So, here's the Young Avengers chasing the Patri-Not's trail through a post-zombie-apocalyptic dimension!**

**(It starts serious, but it gets funnier later, I promise! Cuz this is me and I make everything longer and more complicated than necessary, so there had to be set-up before I could get to the comedic part with just Kid!Loki, America, and Wiccan ;3)**

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**Nothing like Encountering Zombie Versions of You and Almost All Your Friends**

The Young Avengers piled out of America's star-shaped dimensional portal.

For a moment they just stood there, taking in the new surroundings.

The sky was the color of spilled intestines, constipated with brownish-greenish clouds that were disfigured and lumpy, moving with glacial speeds across the sky on the rare farts of wind that never quite brushed the ground.

The Young Avengers were standing in the middle of a city street. The buildings around them were dilapidated, completely leveled rubble, crumbling bricks or metal skeletons, dark frames sticking out of where they'd been partially submerged in the earth like fragments of bone, for all the sickly world ancient ruins of times long past.

All matters of flora were gone and dead, and what few weeds clung to cracks in the cement were brown, and appeared withered and dead.

But the city wasn't empty. There were lots of people—it was just that the people weren't alive.

Rotted corpses were strewn up and down the street.

"Another zombie apocalypse," Billy said wearily. His nose wrinkled at the fetid odor, but he didn't pinch it, having learned from experience that doing so never actually did much. And he needed both hands to fight if they got attacked by any of undead, should some not-so-dead undead show up.

"I hate these!" Loki complained, making a face. "Go-go-go!" He pointed emphatically down the street. "Make most hasty-haste! The trail goes that-a-way!"

The Young Avengers started walking, quick but cautious, stepping over corpses without a glance.

"Ugh, these zombie apocalypse alternate universes are almost as common as the alternate universes where Noh-Varr turns the Earth into the new capital of the Kree Empire," Kate muttered, keeping a tight grip on her bow. Her sharp eyes were probably darting around behind her dark purple sunglasses.

"I like the apocalypses I bring about better," Noh-Varr remarked, seeming somewhat affronted. "These zombie ones are repulsive."

"They are that," Teddy agreed. When Billy reached over to take the Kree-Skrull's scaly green hand, Teddy sent him a smile, squeezing the mage's fingers.

"Look on the bright side," America said, expression bored and unperturbed. "At least zombies are good for punching."

"I suppose that's one advantage to them not bleeding," Billy muttered.

"This-a-way!" Loki called from ahead, beckoning them to come closer and move faster, his face full of childish impatience. "We're almost to where the Patri-Not decided to leave this abomination of Hel." He gestured to some footprints that were glowing green from his spell, drifting with green mist. "We're getting hotter!'

"Uh oh," David said.

He'd stopped in the middle of the street at an intersection, staring down perpendicular road with an expression of dread as he took a fighting stance. "We have a problem."

The others turned to look.

Several blocks down, Avengers Tower was visible, a metal skeleton with its top several floors looking like they'd been bombed out.

And half-staggering, half-running down the rubble and corpse-strewn street towards them, was a group of still-living, oh-so-familiar zombies.

There were five of them. Horrible, zombiefied versions of Kate, David, Billy, Loki, and America, but they resembled more the zombies from _Warm Bodies _than any of the more gruesome zombie representations in fiction on Earth-616. They were also scarily fast, for zombies.

"At least we know that even as zombies we're pretty!" Loki proclaimed, before turning and dashing after the Patri-Not's trail. "Come come, children!" As ironic as it was for him to say that, seeing as he was the only child in the group.

"You'd think the Mischief God was afraid of a few zombies," Teddy remarked, even as he and the others ran after Loki, Hawkeye turning as she ran to shoot an arrow straight through her zombie counterpart's head.

The undead-Kate staggered and fell backward, giving a twitch before lying still, re-dead.

"METAPHOR!" Kate shouted.

"At least there's no Tommy zombie, so I'm pretty sure we'll survive this," Billy said, as they jogged after the mischief god down the road, glancing behind them at th approaching zombies, as the trickster following the footprints only he could sense.

"And we wouldn't if a zombie version of your brother was here?" America asked skeptically.

"You've never tried to play any variation of Tag with Tommy," Billy remarked flatly. He gave America a sideways look. "You know he's a speedster, right?"

At that moment they turned down an alley.

It was a dead end.

Loki ran to the end of the alley, tapping the brick wall impatiently. "Right here, America! Kickity-kick-kick! Let's be going before—"

"Rrrrggghhhhhhh!"

They whirled around to see the first of the zombies stagger into the mouth of the alley, dull-eyed and gaping-mouthed.

It was the undead-David. "You can't... run..." it gurgled at them, taking a graceless step forward.

"Somebody shoot it," David said flatly, looking disgusted. "It's very existence offends me."

Kate glanced at her alien boyfriend. "Your turn, space-boy."

"My pleasure," Noh-Varr said, casually shooting the abomination in the head as it lunged at them. He blew on the muzzle of his plasma-guns, and Kate rolled her eyes and punched him in the arm.

There was the sternum-thrumming sound of a dimensional barrier shattering as America kicked a star-shaped interdimensional portal in the brick wall.

"Door's open!" Loki cried, gesturing at the brilliant blue-white star. "Everybody go! Flee like you mean it!"

"Don't have to tell me twice," David said, stepping through.

"But all we want to do is eat your brains!" the Loki-zombie said as it shuffled forward, seeming to still retain full use of its tongue. Maybe that was because its tongue was made of silver, so it hadn't rotted like the tongues of all the other zombies.

"This mischief god craves human flesh! And alien flesh, that works too," it added, glancing at Noh-Varr and Teddy, as if it didn't want them to feel excluded. "Delicious, delicious gray and white brain matter... we're not unreasonable, you know. I mean no-one's going to eat your eyes!" It grinned with cadaverous mischief. "Eyes are disgusting, honest!"

"I should make a zombie playlist," Noh-Varr remarked thoughtfully. "Have any of your heard the song—"

"Not now, mustic-nerd," Kate said, grabbing his arm and pulling him through the portal.

The Billy-zombie shuffled towards Hulkling, arms outstretched, starving, desperate, yearning. "Won't eat... your brain... Ted..." the undead-Billy moaned, eyes a washed-out blue. "P-promise... just want... your h-_heart..."_

"Well, Billy, it's nice to know that even as a zombie you're a hopeless romantic!" Loki said cheerfully from where he was hiding behind America.

"I know right!" zombie-Loki laughed. It sounded eerily like the real Loki, the zombie's words only slightly slower and rougher. It was a good thing that the undead Loki looked pretty obviously dead. Its weird hood-thing had come off, though, and its black, blood-caked hair fell into its face, making it look younger. So at least in that respect it was currently cuter than its living counterpart. Except that its skin was gray and threaded with blue veins and its green eyes were pale and dead and its grin was a dying thing, so in that respect it actually wasn't cuter. Not at all.

"Oh my gods, Teddy go!" Billy shouted, eyeing his zombie-self with horror as it lurched towards his boyfriend—_his _boyfriend. "Now!" Billy said, and with his magic he literally picked Hulkling up and tossed him through the dimensional portal.

"Teeeeehhhhh-d-deeee!" the zombie-Billy cried, lunging forward desperately, but Wiccan sent a blast of magic at him, knocking him back to the mouth of the alley.

"There's no need to be so touchy," the zombie-Loki complained petulantly, actually attempting a pout. Pouting didn't work that well for it. "We're just going to eat your brains. Just a little bit. A little nibble of your cerebral cortex!"

"Shhhhuuuuut... uuuuup..!" the zombie-America growled at him, her voice rasping, face contorted as if trying to come up with the words was a challenge. She pushed zombie-Loki roughly out of the way. "Eeeeaaat! Huuuunnggrrr...!"

Zombie-America lunged at Billy, who threw up a defensive shield, which the undead-America tried to break by throwing its rotten body against it repeatedly.

"She's lost her mind," zombie-Loki said sadly, shaking its head, its neck moving disjointedly. "And we only bit her a little bit. We needed her to be a zombie to help us break into Avengers Tower, see?"

"I'd like to note that even as a zombie I retain the ability to talk functionally, unlike you all!" Loki called, darting out of the way as his undead counterpart lunged at him.

"Only because nobody's punched off your zombie self's jaw yet, chico," America told him, stepping towards the zombiefied mischief god, fists clenched.

_CRUNCH! _America punched the zombie-Loki, knocking his mandible clean off from the rest of his skull.

The undead trickster made a horrified noise in its throat.

"I really wish you didn't look like you enjoyed that so much, America," Loki said, grimacing.

America smirked darkly and rolled up her jacket sleeves. "It was therapeutic," she said easily. "So's this."

_RIPPP! THWACK! CRUNCH! THUD! _

The undead Loki was nothing but disembodied limbs scattered across the alley, now very much dead. Its skull was probably orbiting the zombiefied Earth as a small moon.

"I appreciate you taking out my significantly less charming self, but a little help here?!" Loki called as he ducked behind a rusted dumpster. The zombie-America had apparently finally given up trying to get Billy through the force-field, and was now going after the young mischief god.

"Why don't you try punching something for yourself, chico," America said, rolling her caramel eyes and brushing curly strands of dark hair out of her face.

"It's not my style!" Loki protested as he dashed around to the other side of the dumpster, jumping on top of it to get away from the ravenous undead America. "And you know me: I'm all about style! Though perhaps not as much as our friend Wiccan over there," he gestured over at Billy, who just deemed his position secure enough to drop the force-field, "who has the floppy fringe like he's looking to join a boy band."

"I can kind of play the piano!" Billy piped up, grinning. "I know 'Chopsticks'!"

America gave a snort, that sounded somehow both amused and unamused at the same time.

"Why does your zombie self hate me so much, America?!" Loki cried, jumping off the dumpster as the America-zombie leapt up after him, with more power and energy than a zombie should have, but just about as much grace as you'd expect from a dead thing.

"Shhhhuuuuuuut...! Uuuuhhhp...!" the America-zombie half-growled, half-groaned, as it made another lunge for the young god.

"I wonder, Loki," America said dryly, cracking her knuckles as she strode forward.

"America, we should go!" Billy said, gesturing at the glowing-white, star-shaped portal that was still in the brick wall.

"Not yet," America said. "This is personal."

_CRAAAAAAACKKK! _America punched the undead version of herself so hard in the face that not only did the zombie's skull cave in, but the impact reverberated through the corpse, shattering every single frail bone in its body.

The zombie-America was unrecognizable as it hit the ground with a heavy, dead-sounding _thud. _

"Yeeeeeeeaaaaah, that looked pretty personal," Billy said, brown eyes wide. Then he glanced down the alley, where his zombie self was crumpled against the brick wall, shaking. "Guess I should go put myself out of my misery, huh?" he said, gathering his magic as he strode down the alley towards the zombie.

"Hurry it up will you!" Loki called impatiently. "This Norse God of Mischief craves flesh that is distinctly _not _human or humanoid in any way! The next dimension better have edible food!"

America, her arms crossed, looked at the mischief god in disgust. "Loki, we are _not_ going to talk about eating anything that's not vegetarian when we're still in a zombie apocalypse dimension."

"Bacon," Loki said sulkily. "Oh, how I do miss bacon. Lovely, lovely bacon. Lovely fried flesh of pig..."

"Loki, if you mention bacon _one more time, _I will make your state very closely resemble that of your zombie self," America snarled, clenching her fists at her sides.

Loki's eyes widened. He glanced over at a green-clad zombie arm a few meters away, then back at America. "How about Korean barbecue, New York style?" he said cheekily.

America growled and took a step towards him.

"Okay okay okay!" Loki cried, ducking and covering his head with his arms. "Leave my limbs where they are! No bacon or Korean barbecue! Just pancakes! Blueberry pancakes with lots of syrup of maple and cream of whipped!"

America might have punched him anyway (but left his limbs intact, probably), but Loki was saved by a fortuitous interruption by the one and only Billy Kaplan.

"Uhh, guys?" Billy called from the other side of the alley, where he was standing in front of his zombie counterpart, looking down at it and frowning. "I think it's crying." He glanced over at them, looking discombobulated. "I think that, um, my zombie self is crying."

"Zombies can't cry," America said, striding over.

Loki dashed ahead of her to Billy's side, eager to get away from the superpowered woman who looked about ready to tear his arms off, and looked down at the zombie-Billy. "Dunno, America," Loki said, "I think Billy's right. There seem to be some bright blue magical tears streaming down his zombie self's face."

America came over to see that, in fact, yes, glowing-blue tears were streaming down the Billy-zombie's sunken cheeks.

"Teeeeehh... ddeeeeee..." the undead Billy moaned, curling up into a smaller, shriveled ball, covering its face with bony, gray-skinned hands.

"Uh, guys?" Billy glanced at America and Loki, brows furrowed, looking uncertain and very much creeped-out. "What do I do with the crying zombie version of me? Do I kill it? Do we just leave it? Um." He glanced at the zombie version of himself again.

Undead-Billy was just sitting there, not even trying to attack them. It looked really really sad and pathetic. Its ribcage heaved in its chest that held dead lungs and a dead heart. "T-teeeeeedddddd," it moaned.

"It's _crying," _Billy said. "For Teddy." He looked at it with a combination of horror, disgust, and sympathy. "I can't decide if it's romantic or creepy. It's not attacking us, it's just sitting there crying." He glanced at America and Loki helplessly. "What do I do?"

"You do nothing," America said.

She was a blur as she moved.

_SCRUNCH! _America kicked the zombie-Billy's head off like it was a soccer ball, the head flying through the air down the alley to sail clear through the dimensional star-shaped portal that was still open.

"GOAL!" Loki exclaimed, throwing up his arms and grinning.

"_America!" _Billy cried, running for the portal. "Oh my _gods, _Teddy's going to be _traumatized!" _He leapt through the star.

Seconds later the Wiccan-zombie head came sailing back through. And it was on fire.

"Uh oh," Loki said, eyes widening as he ducked reflexively, even though the flaming zombie-Billy head sailed clear over him and America. "That doesn't bode well!" Loki straightened and glanced at the flaming head that had rolled to a stop on the other sidewalk across the street from the mouth of the alley.

"Either there's lots of fire in the next dimension," Loki surmised, "or Billy is very, _very_ angry. I'm not sure which would preferable."

"Then stop being a coward and let's go see," America stated, grabbing Loki roughly by the arm and dragging him behind her as she ran down the alley.

"I thought we agreed that you weren't ripping my arms off!" Loki shouted.

"That's why your arm is still attached to your body," America snapped, grabbing him by the back of his collar and tossing him through the star-shaped portal.

Then she jumped after him, and the blinding-white star shrunk down into nothing and disappeared with a sound like millions of rubber bands snapping all at once.

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**AN:** **Because I over-think everything:**

**I think that the not-Patriot, when he took Tommy, completely removed all essence of him from existence. Which was why, when Tommy was returned, it was like no time has passed for him. Because he simply didn't exist between getting taken and getting returned. Like he was travelling at the speed of light – no time at all passed for him, while months passed for the Multiverse. So I think that the Young Avengers never encountered an alternate version of Tommy, because it wasn't just _Tommy _that didn't exist, but all essences of him, so he didn't exist in any universe anywhere while he was taken.**

**And the reason there were no Teddy or Noh-Varr zombies is because they're Kree, in this head-canon, Kree cannot be infected by the zombie virus, because the zombie virus affects the DNA of humans, which is very different from that of Kree. So in this alternate zombie apocalypse universe, Teddy and Noh-Varr were either dead or surviving somewhere.**

**Asgardians can become zombies though ;) And whatever America is can become a zombie, too – I'm pretty sure she's just a superpowed human from another dimension, rather than an actual alien the way the Kree and the Skrulls are.  
**


End file.
